A new post! And not just a new post…. I’m here to announce my biggest project ever!
Are you ready for the INOCHI Project?
You can find all the necessary information on the official link, but I wanted to write this post to give a more personal account on the themes of the shoot.
In short – the project consists of five looks, and all of them represent a period in my life. Every look will consist of garments made out of hair. I hope we reach our crowdfunding goal soon, because I can’t wait to start working on this!
In this blog post: my personal story regarding these five themes. I decided to be very open about this to invite you all inside my world, as this project is very close to my heart. Everyone who supports this project by donating and sharing has my eternal gratitude!
I. THE CHILD
I don’t remember much of my youngest years, but I do think I was a happy child. I was a very weird and quirky child, though. I was always in my own little world, ignoring everything that went on around me. I loved reading books, drawing, daydreaming, … Even though I didn’t have many friends and always felt like an alien, I could hide away in a fantasy world. That’s why the look is light-hearted, bubbly, but still a little bit “off”. I distinctively remember having a red and white striped swimsuit at age 4 or something, and I wanted to pay hommage to that little swimsuit with this look. It reminds me of hot summer days, when my mom put a big blue toy shell filled with water and a mini slide in the garden, where my brother and I would play. My fondest memories of my childhood are of summer, going to the beach and making animals with sand. (My mom still has a photo of me, sitting on a huge sand turtle!)
As a child, I never was a girly girl. I played with boy’s toys, was obsessed with dinosaurs, … I feel very blessed that my parents never held me back in this. They would always buy me the toys I wanted, not the ones meant for girls. So to me, this was the most normal thing in the world.
II. THE PUNK
When I was about 10 years or something, I discovered heavy metal thanks to my mother and stepdad. My first favorite bands were Metallica and Iron maiden, and metal and punk are still very much influencing my life nowadays.
I can’t say I was a very easy teenager. Feeling like a boy my entire life, getting into puberty changed up some things for me. As I got to high school, I felt more and more alienated from the other kids, not only because of my love for punk and metal, but also because of my sexual preference: I came out as gay at age 14.
I still struggeled with my gender. When I just came out, I felt like a straight man in a women’s body. I stole my brothers clothes and wore those to school, because buying me men’s clothes went a bit further than toys, according to my mom.
I also had a very rough time at school. I got teased and/or ignored, and everyone’s hopes for me were very high – I was supposed to go to college, get some huge degree in languages, … But school just didn’t work for me. Instead of being stimulated, I was bored out of my mind, which caused me to rebel even more. It eventually led to the third look, which is…
III. THE DISEASE
During puberty, I survived three depressions. The worst one was when I was 14 years old. I became suicidal and refused to go to school anymore. I was taken into the hospital for one and a half year.
Putting depression on a paper was one of the hardest things about this project. I think everyone who has struggled with this, has a different way of approaching it artistically, and it also feels different for everyone. I went for a constricted look, with an alien/ghost like face. In my depression, I felt no emotions. I was an empty shell, trying to survive every day, feeling trapped in my own body.
As for what caused my depression, I still can’t put my finger on it. I think it was a combination of struggling with being gay, as well as school making me very demotivated. I wasn’t performing the way everyone expected me to be, and I was tired all the time. It eventually resulted in becoming suicidal, and hitting rock bottom. I felt like I borderlined on insanity, and it was terrifying.
Spending that time in the hospital really helped me get to my senses. I learned to love myself again and slowly built my life back up. I didn’t go to school for a year, but did get classes in the hospital. At the end, I was finally able to go back to school and become a new person.
IV. THE LOVER
At age 18, I became homeless and lost my best friend to cancer. A third depression lured and nearly pulled me in, but at that time I met the love of my life, with whom I have been living for seven years now. This love changed my life enormously; I first discovered my sexuality as a woman, after feeling like a boy for 18 years. I regained my self worth and found the strength to claw myself out of the depression to live a life I want to live. Despite this self-discovery of womanhood, I still felt like a man in drag sometimes. Therefore, the model for this look will be a muscular drag-queen in lingerie inspired by Jean Paul Gauthier. I have always felt like I floated between genders, and this image will signify that whatever gender you feel like, you can still be sensual and enjoy love in your own way.
Being with a man after being convinced I was gay for 18 years did do something to me. I struggled with my gender all over again, and this part of the project signifies the fluidity of gender. I spent years trying to put a label on myself, but now I realise that just being me is good enough.
V. THE ARTIST
After climbing out of a rough puberty and falling head over heels in love, I found that I lost sense of who I really was. My next journey began: What was my passion? Who did I want to be? What legacy did I want to leave in this world?
Hair became this passion. It is, besides my friends and family, my purpose and greatest love in life. This image signifies me blossoming as an artist and finally finding my love and passion. Therefore, the look will be an explosion of color and different textures, signifying individualism, inspiration, and true happiness. Now I found my niche as an artist, I can really shine, and I never felt happier before in my life. All the previous pieces of the project come together today: I still have the happy, open attitude I had as a child, I’m still a punk at heart, I learned so much from my depression, and I discovered my true self, both as a lover and an individual.
I hope you found this an interesting read. It wasn’t easy to put it all down in words, but I felt relieved now I did. I have so much faith in this project, and I can’t wait to work on these looks and show you all what I can do.
How can you support? Visit this link and choose your reward on the right. If you want to donate without a reward, you can do so by pressing the red button on the bottom.
If you don’t have the means to support financially, share the link of the crowdfunding project on your social media! Tell all your friends about it, and help us reach our goal as soon as possible.
Thank you all for your support! I feel so blessed for having amazing followers and readers. Let’s rock this!